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Red Flags

How to Choose your Tribe?

by Andrea Siegel           

Communication is very often about what is not being said, both in case of in person as well as phone or online conversations, such as video chats, e-mails or text messages. 

As nowadays almost everything is moving towards the digital environment, there are fewer chances for people to feel the actual vibes or energies, study another person’s eyes or observe their body language that are essential to be able to know whether it would be good for us at all to establish any kind of relationship with that other human being.


Whether it is about work or love, it is important to pay attention to what our body is trying to tell us when communicating, even if we are sitting alone in our bedroom or study and use a phone or laptop to converse. 

Yet, many people rush into making bad choices because they feel they have no time to slow down and really listen to their intuition.

Loneliness and isolation are other factors at play — due to lockdowns and the many single households especially in urban environments.

The result is disappointment, failed relationships, stress, frustration and loss of business opportunities, trust and even hope in the benevolence of mankind.


All this could be avoided by actually using our solitude whilst being at or working from home and trying to establish collaborations, friendships or love relationships.

In case of online communication formats, we actually have a better chance to take time out when we feel that something might not be right.

We need to acknowledge it when our mind requires us to pause and carefully think about our response or even lack of it.


By simply listening to that wise inner voice and really experiencing those pleasant or unpleasant feelings circulating inside our bodies when a dialogue is going towards an unexpected direction, we have the best chance to make a decision that is the right one for us in that moment.


Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

Our gut feeling is always on our side and if we try to ignore those early, subtle signs there is a chance that we are going to experience harsher warnings that we simply will not be able to disregard without painful consequences.


The lack of communication or the opposite, too intense, too frequent and out of the place style and content are the most typical signs or red flags.

There is so much talk about ghosting nowadays, particularly as our lives are becoming increasingly digitalised, many people use this environment to take advantage of others as they can more easily manipulate them via the online tools and platforms, then disappear and avoid to ever face the music.

Immediately, they are ready for their next victim.


Showing a perfect, ideal, attractive image is also very easy through the online spaces, yet, we must again look out for what is being hidden, manipulated or untold when we are viewing those images, profiles, websites or read the stories that have been carefully crafted by expert fraudsters to make us believe it is exactly them we have been waiting to hire, work with or love.


Controlling their own and others' image, behaviour and communication channels is how they try to thread a web around their victims only to entrap them and get what they want from them; whether it be money, connections, fame, sex or emotional energy, perhaps attention.

Then it is time to ghost and attempt to prey on the next impressionable person who believes they are not good enough the way they are and need another person to fix them, i.e. the manipulator.


Feeling discontent, being naiv and insecure are perfectly normal and this does not mean that we cannot learn the lessons and make better decisions next time. This is how we grow.

Life is a complicated journey with many possibilities and experiences and by remembering that our inner voice and gut feeling are always for us, we can be sure to be able to opt for positive choices and the best results.